Replied to some dag on the network. He said his name was George.
( Also there was a zombie deer and he thought she was Sarah and other stuff, but details aren't really significant right now. Her smile is very slight, and very gentle, and she leans down to kiss Sarah's forehead. )
You won't be saying that once I bang out these fish and chips. Best you'll ever have.
( She taps the glass of water on the table, squeezes Sarah hand o'melodrama gently, and stands, taking the bottle of bourbon with her. This little friend is going under the sink, for now. She'd pour it down the sink but that's melodramatic and they'll want it later. )
We're gonna just hang out and be quiet, okay? And if you wanna talk, we'll talk, but first you're gonna eat.
( Ah there are some gentle notes of hypocrisy in her insistence that Sarah eat and her checklist of Sarah care, but she is better at looking after other people than herself. )
[ If Sarah sounds surly, it's 0% because of Sarissa and 90% because her life has just imploded (again) and 10% because she hates being told what to do. But fine. She'll sulk here on the couch until Sarissa is finished cooking. ]
( She can't help a little breath a laughter, and leans over the back of the couch to look down at Sarah. )
Grumpy, asteri mou.
( But with good reason. The smile is fond, and she squeezes Sarah's shoulder gently before sliding off to take care of food - put the stuff away properly, get to battering some fish. Normally she'd make chips from scratch, but right now time is a little more of the essence, so she's settling for amazing fish and possibly less amazing chips. Other features will include: some calamari rings, a side salad, and peas. Not mushy ones, because Sarissa can't deal with the texture, ugh. But peas, because... that's a thing, or whatever. It doesn't take her too long, but she turns up balancing A Shitload Of Food that she lays out on the table. And then she snaps her fingers because oh shit and returns a moment later with tartar sauce and lemon wedges and vinegar and plates, which she looks at lamely - the condiments, not the plates. )
I couldn't remember what kind you liked. Um, but... I got more stuff, so we can suss it out. Experiment with the superior chip making method.
[ When Sarissa brings out the food, Sarah struggles into a sitting position, drawn by the smell. She picks up a chip and nibbles at it, hums considerately, and then pops the rest of it in her mouth. It's... a lot of food. ]
[ Sarah doesn't say anything right away. She eats, slowly, almost methodically—as methodically as someone who's had quite a bit of bourbon can eat, anyway. Finally, though, looking down at her lap, she says, ]
He texted me at like, half past midnight. I thought it was someone playing a sick joke at first.
( Sarissa was halfway through a chip, and drops it, wipes her hand on a paper towel, and loosely wraps her arm around Sarah's shoulder, pressing a kiss to her temple. )
I'm sorry. If it had been, but, we'd have kicked their arse. ( That seems unhelpful, and she pauses. ) Must've been a shock.
( She feels a prickle of guilt. Guilt that Sarah moved out, moved out with her, and swallows unhappily. An apology isn't going to help Sarah, it'll just make this about Sarah, a spiralling mess of her own guilt and depression and issues. And for once, for once she is going to successfully lock all of that up for a bit and just concentrate on Sarah, what she needs. )
That really sucks for him, but you didn't do shit wrong by moving. And one crappy night doesn't mean he'll stay feeling crappy. It doesn't make or break anything, it's just... bad timing.
[ She tips her head back, stares at the ceiling. ]
I told him we'd talk again in a few days. I'd go see him. But I don't know what I'm gonna say. I don't know what to even think. I feel like I fucked up so badly.
[ Really, she has no answer that doesn't make her sound like a crazy person. She should've waited for George like some fucked up Miss Havisham, never leaving her flat or dating anyone else? She should've expected him to come back after all this time? ]
Hey, maybe you could have been like me. Out of your mind stupid over someone you can't be with? Pining like it'll magically make it all fall together, somehow? It's really great. Very productive way to live. I love it.
( Her smile is brighter than its been in a while, but rich with self mockery before it softens off, and she leans over to kiss Sarah's cheek, staying just close enough to speak more softly, even if there's no one else here. )
It's complicated, sure, but you didn't do a thing wrong. You were even honest with George about needing time. Don't eviscerate yourself for being human and not being able to anticipate every random thing that happens.
[ Sarah huffs out a laugh, tired and weak and mostly unamused. She rubs at her temple with one hand and picks at the food with the other. ]
What should I do?
[ She knows Sarissa can't have the answer, that nobody can, but a huge part of her longs to have somebody give her instructions, tell her exactly how to proceed from here. ]
( She pauses, head canted to the side, ever so slightly like a puppy thinking over its training. ) It's great George is back, right? He's alive and solid - doesn't mean you gotta drop Ruby, though. It's good she's here, too. You like her.
( That actually comes out sincerely, and not like she's trying to surgically remove her own teeth. Ruby seems passably acceptable, just as George seems passably acceptable. No one will ever be good enough for Sarah, though, far as Sarissa's concerned. )
Take your time. They'll understand if you need it, and if they don't understand how complicated and fucked up feeling it is, then maybe they're making the decision for you. But you're a star, Sarah. You're worth waiting for, and you're worth being friends with, and... you don't gotta rush into making any decision you don't want to.
I don't wanna do this, is what I don't wanna do. Forget making decisions or not making decisions, I don't want to have these conversations with either of them. What the fuck, I just—
[ want to leave. That's the truth. She wants to skip town and shut off her communicator and not come back until enough time has passed that Ruby and George both are too furious to want to have anything to do with her anymore. But she can't say that to Sarissa. Sarissa won't understand. It'll only hurt her. ]
( Sarissa waits a moment, chomping on her calamari. She feels guilty for eating an animal that's so bloody smart, but she feels guilty about everything, these days, and food is food. )
So don't. Take time to do other stuff. I mean, I'm not saying never speak to them, but look after yourself. That's all I mean. This isn't a situation most people are prepared for, not a scrap of it, and you've had shitheap after shitheap to deal with. If... dealing with this right now is too much, then don't. The people who care about you will have your back no matter what. You're allowed to put yourself first.
[ If only Sarissa knew that saying "If dealing with this right now is too much, then don't" was going to allow Sarah to tell herself that running away is fine. If only. ]
... Yeah. Alright. Thanks, Riss.
[ She sinks back onto the couch with a chip in one hand and nibbles at it, looking relieved. ]
( Last time Paul's name came up in a talk between the two of them, it was very, very unpleasant. Sarissa's gaze drops, but only so far as the lemon wedges, that she squeezes over the fish on her plate. )
Why stop there? Maybe a couple of my exes could've turned up and assumed you were me, too. ( She makes a dramatic expression, one corner of her mouth tugging sideways in a yikes sort of expression. ) Wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, honestly. We shouldn't tempt fate.
[ She's not asking to one-up Sarissa, more out of genuine curiosity and a moderate amount of concern. Because dead always complicates things further. Also, maybe she's a little bit removed from exactly how many dead people the average person is supposed to have known. Just a little bit. ]
I thought Georgia was. 'S how I wound up all— ex-cop, ex-functional. I thought she was dead, and I got arrested for her murder.
( As flippantly as she can manage it, which isn't massively. Maybe she should have kept that bourbon close to the table. Tea, maybe, instead. )
As far as I know, most of the others are fine. I haven't been in touch in a while. And I made a point not to sleep with any mercs, mortality rate would have gone up, I reckon.
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( Also there was a zombie deer and he thought she was Sarah and other stuff, but details aren't really significant right now. Her smile is very slight, and very gentle, and she leans down to kiss Sarah's forehead. )
Have you eaten?
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No, 'm not hungry.
[ She waits until Sarissa has broken the contact, and then she drops her arm back over her eyes. Goodbye, cruel world, etc. ]
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( She taps the glass of water on the table, squeezes Sarah hand o'melodrama gently, and stands, taking the bottle of bourbon with her. This little friend is going under the sink, for now. She'd pour it down the sink but that's melodramatic and they'll want it later. )
We're gonna just hang out and be quiet, okay? And if you wanna talk, we'll talk, but first you're gonna eat.
( Ah there are some gentle notes of hypocrisy in her insistence that Sarah eat and her checklist of Sarah care, but she is better at looking after other people than herself. )
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[ If Sarah sounds surly, it's 0% because of Sarissa and 90% because her life has just imploded (again) and 10% because she hates being told what to do. But fine. She'll sulk here on the couch until Sarissa is finished cooking. ]
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Grumpy, asteri mou.
( But with good reason. The smile is fond, and she squeezes Sarah's shoulder gently before sliding off to take care of food - put the stuff away properly, get to battering some fish. Normally she'd make chips from scratch, but right now time is a little more of the essence, so she's settling for amazing fish and possibly less amazing chips. Other features will include: some calamari rings, a side salad, and peas. Not mushy ones, because Sarissa can't deal with the texture, ugh. But peas, because... that's a thing, or whatever. It doesn't take her too long, but she turns up balancing A Shitload Of Food that she lays out on the table. And then she snaps her fingers because oh shit and returns a moment later with tartar sauce and lemon wedges and vinegar and plates, which she looks at lamely - the condiments, not the plates. )
I couldn't remember what kind you liked. Um, but... I got more stuff, so we can suss it out. Experiment with the superior chip making method.
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You didn't have to make all this.
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( Sarissa grabs a calamari ring and bites into it, before claiming a spot on the sofa and setting out the plates where they can both get at them. )
You wanna talk about it?
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He texted me at like, half past midnight. I thought it was someone playing a sick joke at first.
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( Sarissa was halfway through a chip, and drops it, wipes her hand on a paper towel, and loosely wraps her arm around Sarah's shoulder, pressing a kiss to her temple. )
I'm sorry. If it had been, but, we'd have kicked their arse. ( That seems unhelpful, and she pauses. ) Must've been a shock.
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( She feels a prickle of guilt. Guilt that Sarah moved out, moved out with her, and swallows unhappily. An apology isn't going to help Sarah, it'll just make this about Sarah, a spiralling mess of her own guilt and depression and issues. And for once, for once she is going to successfully lock all of that up for a bit and just concentrate on Sarah, what she needs. )
That really sucks for him, but you didn't do shit wrong by moving. And one crappy night doesn't mean he'll stay feeling crappy. It doesn't make or break anything, it's just... bad timing.
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[ She tips her head back, stares at the ceiling. ]
I told him we'd talk again in a few days. I'd go see him. But I don't know what I'm gonna say. I don't know what to even think. I feel like I fucked up so badly.
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( D: SARAH PERFECT FLAWLESS AMAZING PERFECT SARAH DID SHE MENTION PERFECT AND ALSO PERFECT??? ALSO AMAZING???
Sarissa is, let us say, le baffled. )
You kept on living. That's not fucking up.
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[ Really, she has no answer that doesn't make her sound like a crazy person. She should've waited for George like some fucked up Miss Havisham, never leaving her flat or dating anyone else? She should've expected him to come back after all this time? ]
I dunno.
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( Her smile is brighter than its been in a while, but rich with self mockery before it softens off, and she leans over to kiss Sarah's cheek, staying just close enough to speak more softly, even if there's no one else here. )
It's complicated, sure, but you didn't do a thing wrong. You were even honest with George about needing time. Don't eviscerate yourself for being human and not being able to anticipate every random thing that happens.
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What should I do?
[ She knows Sarissa can't have the answer, that nobody can, but a huge part of her longs to have somebody give her instructions, tell her exactly how to proceed from here. ]
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( She pauses, head canted to the side, ever so slightly like a puppy thinking over its training. ) It's great George is back, right? He's alive and solid - doesn't mean you gotta drop Ruby, though. It's good she's here, too. You like her.
( That actually comes out sincerely, and not like she's trying to surgically remove her own teeth. Ruby seems passably acceptable, just as George seems passably acceptable. No one will ever be good enough for Sarah, though, far as Sarissa's concerned. )
Take your time. They'll understand if you need it, and if they don't understand how complicated and fucked up feeling it is, then maybe they're making the decision for you. But you're a star, Sarah. You're worth waiting for, and you're worth being friends with, and... you don't gotta rush into making any decision you don't want to.
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[ want to leave. That's the truth. She wants to skip town and shut off her communicator and not come back until enough time has passed that Ruby and George both are too furious to want to have anything to do with her anymore. But she can't say that to Sarissa. Sarissa won't understand. It'll only hurt her. ]
Forget it.
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So don't. Take time to do other stuff. I mean, I'm not saying never speak to them, but look after yourself. That's all I mean. This isn't a situation most people are prepared for, not a scrap of it, and you've had shitheap after shitheap to deal with. If... dealing with this right now is too much, then don't. The people who care about you will have your back no matter what. You're allowed to put yourself first.
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... Yeah. Alright. Thanks, Riss.
[ She sinks back onto the couch with a chip in one hand and nibbles at it, looking relieved. ]
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[ She attempts a smile, to bring some levity to the whole situation. It falls a little flat, but at least she tries. ]
Could be worse, yeah? Paul could've shown up as well.
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Why stop there? Maybe a couple of my exes could've turned up and assumed you were me, too. ( She makes a dramatic expression, one corner of her mouth tugging sideways in a yikes sort of expression. ) Wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, honestly. We shouldn't tempt fate.
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[ She's not asking to one-up Sarissa, more out of genuine curiosity and a moderate amount of concern. Because dead always complicates things further. Also, maybe she's a little bit removed from exactly how many dead people the average person is supposed to have known. Just a little bit. ]
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( As flippantly as she can manage it, which isn't massively. Maybe she should have kept that bourbon close to the table. Tea, maybe, instead. )
As far as I know, most of the others are fine. I haven't been in touch in a while. And I made a point not to sleep with any mercs, mortality rate would have gone up, I reckon.
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