coppelganger | ic contact; MoM

[ When Sarissa brings out the food, Sarah struggles into a sitting position, drawn by the smell. She picks up a chip and nibbles at it, hums considerately, and then pops the rest of it in her mouth. It's... a lot of food. ]

You didn't have to make all this.

I know. Wanted to, but. Figured you might not have eaten for a while.

( Sarissa grabs a calamari ring and bites into it, before claiming a spot on the sofa and setting out the plates where they can both get at them. )

You wanna talk about it?

[ Sarah doesn't say anything right away. She eats, slowly, almost methodically—as methodically as someone who's had quite a bit of bourbon can eat, anyway. Finally, though, looking down at her lap, she says, ]

He texted me at like, half past midnight. I thought it was someone playing a sick joke at first.

Jesus.

( Sarissa was halfway through a chip, and drops it, wipes her hand on a paper towel, and loosely wraps her arm around Sarah's shoulder, pressing a kiss to her temple. )

I'm sorry. If it had been, but, we'd have kicked their arse. ( That seems unhelpful, and she pauses. ) Must've been a shock.

Yeah. [ Her voice cracks in the middle, more out of exhaustion than anything. ] He asked if I moved. He must've gone to the flat and I wasn't there.

Hey.

( She feels a prickle of guilt. Guilt that Sarah moved out, moved out with her, and swallows unhappily. An apology isn't going to help Sarah, it'll just make this about Sarah, a spiralling mess of her own guilt and depression and issues. And for once, for once she is going to successfully lock all of that up for a bit and just concentrate on Sarah, what she needs. )

That really sucks for him, but you didn't do shit wrong by moving. And one crappy night doesn't mean he'll stay feeling crappy. It doesn't make or break anything, it's just... bad timing.

I know.

[ She tips her head back, stares at the ceiling. ]

I told him we'd talk again in a few days. I'd go see him. But I don't know what I'm gonna say. I don't know what to even think. I feel like I fucked up so badly.

What? How did you fuck up anything?

( D: SARAH PERFECT FLAWLESS AMAZING PERFECT SARAH DID SHE MENTION PERFECT AND ALSO PERFECT??? ALSO AMAZING???

Sarissa is, let us say, le baffled. )

You kept on living. That's not fucking up.

I should've—

[ Really, she has no answer that doesn't make her sound like a crazy person. She should've waited for George like some fucked up Miss Havisham, never leaving her flat or dating anyone else? She should've expected him to come back after all this time? ]

I dunno.

Hey, maybe you could have been like me. Out of your mind stupid over someone you can't be with? Pining like it'll magically make it all fall together, somehow? It's really great. Very productive way to live. I love it.

( Her smile is brighter than its been in a while, but rich with self mockery before it softens off, and she leans over to kiss Sarah's cheek, staying just close enough to speak more softly, even if there's no one else here. )

It's complicated, sure, but you didn't do a thing wrong. You were even honest with George about needing time. Don't eviscerate yourself for being human and not being able to anticipate every random thing that happens.

[ Sarah huffs out a laugh, tired and weak and mostly unamused. She rubs at her temple with one hand and picks at the food with the other. ]

What should I do?

[ She knows Sarissa can't have the answer, that nobody can, but a huge part of her longs to have somebody give her instructions, tell her exactly how to proceed from here. ]

Just keep being Sarah. I mean—

( She pauses, head canted to the side, ever so slightly like a puppy thinking over its training. ) It's great George is back, right? He's alive and solid - doesn't mean you gotta drop Ruby, though. It's good she's here, too. You like her.

( That actually comes out sincerely, and not like she's trying to surgically remove her own teeth. Ruby seems passably acceptable, just as George seems passably acceptable. No one will ever be good enough for Sarah, though, far as Sarissa's concerned. )

Take your time. They'll understand if you need it, and if they don't understand how complicated and fucked up feeling it is, then maybe they're making the decision for you. But you're a star, Sarah. You're worth waiting for, and you're worth being friends with, and... you don't gotta rush into making any decision you don't want to.

I don't wanna do this, is what I don't wanna do. Forget making decisions or not making decisions, I don't want to have these conversations with either of them. What the fuck, I just—

[ want to leave. That's the truth. She wants to skip town and shut off her communicator and not come back until enough time has passed that Ruby and George both are too furious to want to have anything to do with her anymore. But she can't say that to Sarissa. Sarissa won't understand. It'll only hurt her. ]

Forget it.

( Sarissa waits a moment, chomping on her calamari. She feels guilty for eating an animal that's so bloody smart, but she feels guilty about everything, these days, and food is food. )

So don't. Take time to do other stuff. I mean, I'm not saying never speak to them, but look after yourself. That's all I mean. This isn't a situation most people are prepared for, not a scrap of it, and you've had shitheap after shitheap to deal with. If... dealing with this right now is too much, then don't. The people who care about you will have your back no matter what. You're allowed to put yourself first.

[ If only Sarissa knew that saying "If dealing with this right now is too much, then don't" was going to allow Sarah to tell herself that running away is fine. If only. ]

... Yeah. Alright. Thanks, Riss.

[ She sinks back onto the couch with a chip in one hand and nibbles at it, looking relieved. ]

Just... if you need help I'm here? I'm... not gonna break if you need to lean on me.

Edited 2017-01-09 00:35 (UTC)

Thanks.

[ She attempts a smile, to bring some levity to the whole situation. It falls a little flat, but at least she tries. ]

Could be worse, yeah? Paul could've shown up as well.

( Last time Paul's name came up in a talk between the two of them, it was very, very unpleasant. Sarissa's gaze drops, but only so far as the lemon wedges, that she squeezes over the fish on her plate. )

Why stop there? Maybe a couple of my exes could've turned up and assumed you were me, too. ( She makes a dramatic expression, one corner of her mouth tugging sideways in a yikes sort of expression. ) Wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, honestly. We shouldn't tempt fate.

Are many of your exes dead?

[ She's not asking to one-up Sarissa, more out of genuine curiosity and a moderate amount of concern. Because dead always complicates things further. Also, maybe she's a little bit removed from exactly how many dead people the average person is supposed to have known. Just a little bit. ]

I thought Georgia was. 'S how I wound up all— ex-cop, ex-functional. I thought she was dead, and I got arrested for her murder.

( As flippantly as she can manage it, which isn't massively. Maybe she should have kept that bourbon close to the table. Tea, maybe, instead. )

As far as I know, most of the others are fine. I haven't been in touch in a while. And I made a point not to sleep with any mercs, mortality rate would have gone up, I reckon.

Oh. Yeah.

[ Sometimes she realizes how much she still doesn't know about Sarissa's life. Even though all these little stories and facts come up during their conversations, there are huge blank spaces where she'll probably never know about all that's happened to her sister, and vice versa. Her fingers itch to close around the bottle of bourbon, but it's gone, hidden somewhere. ]

Paul's dead, [ she says finally. ] S'why I asked.

( There's just the smallest twinge of a smile, very tired. It's something along the lines of, whatcha gonna do?, as if she'd forgotten milk when that's what she went grocery shopping for in the first place, not her life falling apart in a matter of hours.

And then the next bit hits, settles in her head, and Sarissa closes her eyes for a second before she reaches out and takes one of Sarah's hands in her own. Her eyes stay shut tight, and she wraps up Sarah's hand with both of her own. )

I'm sorry. That— he's dead, obviously, and for talking shit about him. I'm really sorry.

It's... he was complicated. He did a lot of awful things.

[ She guesses that she could live to be 100 and she will still never really know how she feels about Paul. Not that it matters. ]

Haven't we all?

( She thinks Paul sounds shady as hell, honestly, but this isn't the moment for that. There's a quiet pause, and Sarissa gently traces her fingertips over Sarah's knuckles. Whatever decision you come to now, it won't be an awful thing, she wants to say, but it seems like it'd just be opening up a can of worms Sarah maybe needs a break from, for now. )

When I was in high school I dated this guy - it didn't last long, we didn't fit right and we were idiot seventeen year olds, but he tried to burn down part of the school. I was following after him and undoing the shit he kept starting, 'cause if the fire got outta hand it would have risked a colony of endangered parrots near town.

( Her smile is quietly self-mocking. ) Monstrous exes. I know all about 'em.

[ She laughs, kind of, despite her efforts not to, and gives Sarissa a sideways look. ]

God, you're a nerd.

ic contact; MoM

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)