ic contact; MoM

[coppelganger]

Hey, it's Sarah. Leave a message.

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[magnitudes]

( Sarissa is already inside - it might have been the sound of the door closing that woke Sarah up, and the scent of food that helped the process along. Most of the house is doing pretty well with their renovations, but the sitting room's completion (or almost-completion) was second only to the kitchen and bathroom. Sarissa's bedroom still leaves something to be desired.

The coffee table has food spread out over it - staples that Sarissa probably always orders when she gets Chinese, with little-to-no variation - and Sarissa walks in from the kitchen with a couple of plates. )

Hey.

[coppelganger]

Oh, hey.

[ She stretches and rolls her neck before flopping back onto the couch and reaching for a plate. ]

Thanks for the food.

[magnitudes]

No worries. Um,

( she picks up the chicken lo mein, and sets it don in front of Sarah, next to the spring rolls. )

How you goin'?

[coppelganger]

I'm fine.

[ She busies herself with the lo mein, la la la. Everything's fine! ]

[magnitudes]

Cool, so—

( Sarissa isn't piling food on her own plate, which might be telling in and of itself. )

Then I didn't hurt your feelings when I got awkward about talking about Sylar stuff, and things weren't uncomfortable at the date thing, and everything with us is totally perfect?

[coppelganger]

[ There's a significant pause during which Sarah twirls some noodles around her fork and then eats them. Chew, chew, chew. Swallow. ]

My feelings weren't hurt.

[ Yes, they were, but she wanted to have a talk then and Sarissa blanked her, so she's not going to bother. ]

[magnitudes]

They were. I was a dickhead, I didn't—

( She sighs, frustrated with herself. ) I'm— bad at communicating. I say too much stuff in a big jumble or I read people wrong. And I read that wrong, I thought that— keeping my mouth shut would hurt less than me goin' on the way I do, and I'd already let you get hurt enough because I let Sylar keep walkin' about. And he's— he's gone now, he ported out and it's been more than a month, but I didn't know how to even tell you that because I keep either bein' too heavy or too jokey and I just keep hurting your feelings.

( A little pause, and: ) I don't like it bein' all awkward between us, but I know it's on me. And it's okay if you don't wanna talk, because I was an idiot when you said you were open to it, but— but I mean, if you do, then— yeah.

[coppelganger]

I told you we could talk about it, like, five times that day and you still decided not to. Maybe you ought to stop worrying about what's gonna hurt me and let me do what I wanna do. I don't need you deciding for me.

[ She goes quiet again, furiously stabbing at the food with her fork, and then says in an almost venomous voice, ] So he's gone. Fine.

[magnitudes]

I know, it was shitty. I'm tryin' to say I was shitty.

( Quiet, as she herds some rice onto her plate from the plastic box, and shuffles it around the plate without reaching for anything else. )

I'm sorry.

[coppelganger]

Yeah, it was. But whatever. I'm over it.

[ is she though ]

[magnitudes]

Don't bullshit me, Sarah.

( :C!!! ) Look, if you don't want to talk, especially after how I was last time, that's— I mean it's your decision, whatever. But don't fuckin' lie to me.

[coppelganger]

[ Admittedly, that stings a little. ]

What makes you wanna talk about it now, anyway? It's been weeks.

[magnitudes]

Because you matter to me. More than just about anyone else in this bloody world, Sarah, and— it's been weird. I just, I just—

( She sighs, and flops back against the sofa. )

Waiting to try and make it better wasn't gonna do any good. Ignoring it and trying to be jokey wasn't doing anything.

[coppelganger]

You matter to me, too. More than almost anyone. That's why you piss me off so much.

[magnitudes]

( Its a nice moment, but a little bittersweet. )

How come?

[coppelganger]

[ Her jaw tightens as she tries to figure out what to say. There's all these thoughts in her head, and she has no idea how to say them in a way that makes sense. ]

I'm just sick of you deciding—deciding what I can and can't talk about, what I can and can't deal with. Like you think I'm weaker than you are, like you know best. The way you brushed me off when I said I'd talk about it with you, and then you say it's better for me if you don't talk ever, and then you drag me on that stupid date and act like everything's fine and I'm supposed to just say okay? That pisses me off.

[magnitudes]

( She winces a little bit, but doesn't speak right away, just letting that jumble through her head, turning over the pieces. When she speaks, her voice is soft. )

I don't think you're weaker than me. I think you're bloody strong, Saroula.

( Gently, and she almost reaches over to take Sarah's hand but thinks better of it. ) It's just, you've had to help me with so much shit, and me goin' to pieces and vein' a mess. And just because you're strong and you've handled all sorts of shit, that doesn't mean you should be having to handle it all the time. Especially if it's avoidable, and if it's me being stupid then-- I figured if it's me stuff then I should just lock it up, so it's not even a worry. Not because you can't, no way, just--

( A sigh. ) I've put you through enough already. like I should just try to be fun, or at least not bloody miserable. It's why I keep making stupid jokes, and that.

[coppelganger]

It's not fun if it's fake.

[ Which comes out more aggressively than she meant it to, but fucking hell, Sarissa. ]

Look. It's—fine. He's gone now.

[magnitudes]

Yeah. I know, I'm sorry.

( Sarissa sighs, and grabs a spring roll. )

I get wanting to move on, but... it's not okay that he hurt you. I'm so scared that shit I do is going to wind up fucking stuff up, and then I'm doing shit that fucks it up worse than if I'd left it.

[coppelganger]

You couldn't know.

[ She sighs and puts a hand over her face, rubbing at it as if she's tired. ]

[magnitudes]

Mm.

( Probably not, and yet. Sarissa leans over, and rests her arms across Sarah's shoulders, pressing a kiss to her hair. )

I'll try do better, okay? I'm sorry for tryin' to make decisions for you. ( And another kiss, ) I love you. Sorry I'm shitty at it, sometimes.

[coppelganger]

S'okay. Sorry for being a bitch.

[magnitudes]

You aren't a bitch. Promise.

[coppelganger]

Yeah, I am.

[ She laughs, but kind of sadly, and leans her head onto Sarissa's shoulder. ]

[magnitudes]

( Her hand rests against Sarah's hair, tips of her fingers combing through, slow and soothing. )

Nah. You're assertive and you're strong willed and you don't take shit. Those are good things. And good things can go a little far sometimes, but "bitch" gets tossed around to put women down for not being what men think they should be. So you ain't a "bitch," because that's just a way to make you feel bad for being an assertive lady. Yeah? You're strong, and that's a good thing. I'm protective, and that's a good thing too, I just go too far with t sometimes and that's when it become bad. Yeah?