coppelganger | ic contact; MoM

[ Ohhhh nooooo. No, no, no, no, no. ]

No, listen, Rachel's—Rachel's not— [ Fuuuuuck. ] Where are you? Maybe we should meet up, talk a bit.

I know, I know, she was just trying to start stuff. But that doesn't matter.

[Cosima still couldn't trust her with it.]

I'm outside Nonah.

I'll text you my address.

[ And a few seconds later, she sends it over. ]

Okay. I'll see you.

[She shows up about twenty minutes later, looking like hell. Angry hell.

Clara Oswald will move mountains to lie about her well-being when it counts. She'll stop at nothing to make people believe exactly what she wants them to about her emotional state. But right now, none of that matters. She feels betrayed, and damaged, and she's had several swallows of really awful vodka, and she's ready to cry and scream. The only trace of the prim schoolteacher Sarah spoke with over the network back in February is in her unwrinkled blouse.

Her first words aren't promising - ]

I'm sorry. I tried to get drunk.

How'd that work out for you?

[ Sarah motions for her to come into the living room and take a seat on the couch. She's curious, despite the circumstances. ]

I don't know how to get not-drunk.

[She sits down next to Sarah, right on the edge with her shoulders hunched. Part of her is almost as mortified as it is furious; Clara is usually a very dignified individual.]

Sort of hoped it would be worse.

Guess I shouldn't offer you another drink, then, eh?

[ Sarah knocks her shoulder against Clara's, lightly. Teasing, but not mean. ]

[Clara tries to smile, but it just makes her look nauseated.]

... She thought I was an alcoholic, on our first date. Felix told her not to drink in front of me. Totally misinterpreted it.

[ Sarah takes in a breath, holds it, lets it out. It's fine to joke around all night, but it's not going to make what they really need to talk about any less... there. ]

How long did it take you to tell her?

First date. Half an hour in.

[She knows it was probably a bit soon, a bit selfish - but she needed to not make the same mistake she did with Danny.]

... I spent my last relationship living lie after lie, and he was killed before I could come clean. I thought I couldn't live with myself if I let the same thing happen with Cosima.

[ Shit, that's bad. Sarah is quiet for a bit before saying anything. ]

I'm surprised she didn't tell you then, to be honest. She's... y'know. She wears her heart on her sleeve. Doesn't like to lie. I'm the one who lies.

[Clara's shoulders fall even deeper, but there's still fire in her eyes.]

She said it was out of respect for Alison.

Yeah, that's true.

[ She leans back on the couch cushions, picking at a loose thread. ]

Look, the truth is, being what we are is dangerous, and it puts the people around us in danger, too. I told my boyfriend, but it was less complicated then, 'cause I was alone here. Cosima and Alison weren't here, so if anyone got hurt... It'd only be me. I didn't know they'd come, and once we're in a group situation we've gotta do what's best for the group.

[Ooooh, boy. If there's one thing Clara can't stand, it's people trying to protect her. Feeding her a lie because there was no other choice? Understandable. But because it's safe? Big no-no, all caps, underlined.]

It's for protection, then? 'Cause I'm plenty capable of looking after entire planets, thanks, much less your sisters and myself. I would have died for any one of you.

Well, none of us want anybody else dying for us, okay? Christ. [ She runs a hand through her hair, frustrated. ] Did Cosima tell you that when I got ported back in last week I was in bad shape?

[Clara looks up a bit more sharply at that.]

I didn't know you'd been ported out.

[ Oh wow thanks, Cosima. ]

I was stabbed. Beaten. My kid's— [ At this her voice wavers the slightest bit, and she has to swallow before she tries again. ] My daughter's being held hostage and I can't get to her. It's not a good life. You can blame Cosima for lying to you, but not for wanting you kept away from that.

Sarah, I...

[She resists the urge to reach out and comfort the girl, half because she's too stunned, and half because she doesn't know Sarah well enough to know if it would be appreciated. But despite the clawing grief at Sarah's words, she knows in her heart that they're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. Her voice drops, and her next words are far less biting.]

Look, I understand, and I won't blame her for wanting my safety over honesty. I won't - it's human, but it still hurts. My safety means nothing to me if anyone else is in danger. That's Clara Oswald 101.

Yeah.

[ She can accept that, even if she thinks it's incredibly dumb. ]

If it means anything, I know she regrets not telling you sooner.

[She purses her lips, and rubs at the bridge of her nose.]

It will, later. Once I've been properly upset about this.

[Which is a whole different matter of contention for her. She groans, still a bit tipsy at the edges.]

... God, I can't even be properly upset anymore. I can't cry, I can't drink, I can't sleep - what the hell am I supposed to do?

[ Sarah laughs, only half-joking. ]

I usually go out clubbing. 'Course that involves drinking and drugs and usually ill-advised sex, but you could still do one out of three.

[A little snort laugh makes it out at that, breaking up the tension a bit more.]

Aren't the drugs and alcohol usually the key factors in the ill-advised sex? Because I'm not sure I'm drunk enough to hook up with a sweaty stranger.

They can be, but not always. If you're as good at making shite life choices as I am, anyway.

Mine are usually more "intergalactic catastrophe" than, like, "bad one-night stand".

[She slides off her leather jacket and tries to get a little more comfortable on the (minimalist???) sofa. Moving about, the blur in her vision feels a little more obvious; she tips clumsily towards Sarah.]

God, though. It's starting to sound like a good idea.

Yeah?

[ Sarah reaches out and puts a hand on Clara's shoulder, steadying her. ]

I know what you mean.

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