coppelganger | ic contact; MoM

Guess I shouldn't offer you another drink, then, eh?

[ Sarah knocks her shoulder against Clara's, lightly. Teasing, but not mean. ]

[Clara tries to smile, but it just makes her look nauseated.]

... She thought I was an alcoholic, on our first date. Felix told her not to drink in front of me. Totally misinterpreted it.

[ Sarah takes in a breath, holds it, lets it out. It's fine to joke around all night, but it's not going to make what they really need to talk about any less... there. ]

How long did it take you to tell her?

First date. Half an hour in.

[She knows it was probably a bit soon, a bit selfish - but she needed to not make the same mistake she did with Danny.]

... I spent my last relationship living lie after lie, and he was killed before I could come clean. I thought I couldn't live with myself if I let the same thing happen with Cosima.

[ Shit, that's bad. Sarah is quiet for a bit before saying anything. ]

I'm surprised she didn't tell you then, to be honest. She's... y'know. She wears her heart on her sleeve. Doesn't like to lie. I'm the one who lies.

[Clara's shoulders fall even deeper, but there's still fire in her eyes.]

She said it was out of respect for Alison.

Yeah, that's true.

[ She leans back on the couch cushions, picking at a loose thread. ]

Look, the truth is, being what we are is dangerous, and it puts the people around us in danger, too. I told my boyfriend, but it was less complicated then, 'cause I was alone here. Cosima and Alison weren't here, so if anyone got hurt... It'd only be me. I didn't know they'd come, and once we're in a group situation we've gotta do what's best for the group.

[Ooooh, boy. If there's one thing Clara can't stand, it's people trying to protect her. Feeding her a lie because there was no other choice? Understandable. But because it's safe? Big no-no, all caps, underlined.]

It's for protection, then? 'Cause I'm plenty capable of looking after entire planets, thanks, much less your sisters and myself. I would have died for any one of you.

Well, none of us want anybody else dying for us, okay? Christ. [ She runs a hand through her hair, frustrated. ] Did Cosima tell you that when I got ported back in last week I was in bad shape?

[Clara looks up a bit more sharply at that.]

I didn't know you'd been ported out.

[ Oh wow thanks, Cosima. ]

I was stabbed. Beaten. My kid's— [ At this her voice wavers the slightest bit, and she has to swallow before she tries again. ] My daughter's being held hostage and I can't get to her. It's not a good life. You can blame Cosima for lying to you, but not for wanting you kept away from that.

Sarah, I...

[She resists the urge to reach out and comfort the girl, half because she's too stunned, and half because she doesn't know Sarah well enough to know if it would be appreciated. But despite the clawing grief at Sarah's words, she knows in her heart that they're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. Her voice drops, and her next words are far less biting.]

Look, I understand, and I won't blame her for wanting my safety over honesty. I won't - it's human, but it still hurts. My safety means nothing to me if anyone else is in danger. That's Clara Oswald 101.

Yeah.

[ She can accept that, even if she thinks it's incredibly dumb. ]

If it means anything, I know she regrets not telling you sooner.

[She purses her lips, and rubs at the bridge of her nose.]

It will, later. Once I've been properly upset about this.

[Which is a whole different matter of contention for her. She groans, still a bit tipsy at the edges.]

... God, I can't even be properly upset anymore. I can't cry, I can't drink, I can't sleep - what the hell am I supposed to do?

[ Sarah laughs, only half-joking. ]

I usually go out clubbing. 'Course that involves drinking and drugs and usually ill-advised sex, but you could still do one out of three.

[A little snort laugh makes it out at that, breaking up the tension a bit more.]

Aren't the drugs and alcohol usually the key factors in the ill-advised sex? Because I'm not sure I'm drunk enough to hook up with a sweaty stranger.

They can be, but not always. If you're as good at making shite life choices as I am, anyway.

Mine are usually more "intergalactic catastrophe" than, like, "bad one-night stand".

[She slides off her leather jacket and tries to get a little more comfortable on the (minimalist???) sofa. Moving about, the blur in her vision feels a little more obvious; she tips clumsily towards Sarah.]

God, though. It's starting to sound like a good idea.

Yeah?

[ Sarah reaches out and puts a hand on Clara's shoulder, steadying her. ]

I know what you mean.

[Wow Sarah, what a smart idea, touching her shoulder while she's talking about reckless one-night stands. Clara's nose wrinkles a little in laughter.]

What, the catastrophes or the sex?

Edited 2016-09-14 00:36 (UTC)

[ She knows not what she does. Well, she knows what she does, but doesn't fully appreciate how weird it must be to discuss relationships and guilt-free sex with someone who has Cosima's face. ]

Uh, both? At home my brother calls it the usual Sarah shitestorm.

[That actually gets a genuine laugh out of her, and she tips her head over against the cushion - and onto Sarah's hand.]

As someone who can now look back on her whole life, I'm kind of weirdly jealous of your methods.

[ When Clara's cheek touches her hand, Sarah's fingers twitch the slightest bit in surprise. She's not sure whether it would be worse to pull her hand away or leave it where it is, tucked between Clara's shoulder and her head. ]

Why's that?

[This close, it's clear how still Clara is. No breath comes out against Sarah's hand; she doesn't even blink.]

I think I'd feel more like a person.

[ Sarah bites her bottom lip a few seconds before answering. It's not the same, her situation and Clara's. Not even close. But she knows what it's like to wonder if you're a real person anymore. She knows there are people out there who think she and her sisters aren't people at all, just data to be studied or commodities to be used up and discarded. ]

You're a person. We're all people.

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